Don't feel like writing today
Don't like where I am.
I want to do creative stuff, but I have no money.
I hate the people, not necessarily the church, but the people.
The whole cycle of toxicity and manipulation under the guise of grace and second chances.
For whom, exactly, is the second chance? Is it evenly distributed? Is grace given to those only 'deserving'? Is it not unmerited favor for all?
I hate the hypocrisy of organized religion, faux spirituality, and the whole brinkmanship of holiness or good works.
I'm fed up with it.
I do admit growing up in a privileged background, but when that privilege is lost, kindness and reciprocity of such is no longer a concern. It's become more of a 'what can I do for you' or 'what can you do for me' situation. Nonetheless, it would be idiotic to say I have done no wrong in such circles, and just as dishonest to say I haven't been guilty of bigotry, preference of persons, etc.
I've become disillusioned with all of it.
I've seen more goodness from 'unbelievers' than God's 'chosen' people. I've seen much more kindness from those outside the faith than those within. While I admit that there are some who are exemplary in their walks with God and truly live by what they believe in, they are surrounded by wolves. When they are called to God or gone, it will become a land of wolves, where rules of 'righteous' power apply.
I've grown disappointed by the hypocrisy of it all.
I've not lost faith in God because of him or the scripture, but because of the people whom he has called to become better versions of themselves until God returns.
The world is dying, people are unfairly treated, those in power enjoy themselves and are out of touch, there's so much I am disappointed and angry at, but I have not the words to express it properly.
So yes, I don't feel like writing today. But write I must.